1. Stop everything for a moment and catch your breath
Sexual minority counseling specialist Katie Reicom introduces the use of four-step coping methods.
It’s the fourth step of taking a moment to stop my anger, think about why I’m angry, observe what’s going on, and decide what to do next.
– Breathe in and come back to the reality of this moment.
– Look around and figure out what’s going on.
– Take advantage of the new information you just got to deal with the moment.
2. Think first of all if it’s something to be angry about.
Psychological counselor Meg Josephson counts up to three every time she feels angry, checks the fact, and thinks, “Is it something I can get angry about?”
When it is concluded that anger should be expressed, one must think about how the action will affect the situation.
Then you’ll say less impulsive words that could hurt the relationship.
3. Switch your senses
When anger rises, breathe slowly deep through the nose and then exhale through the mouth several times.
It is the method of married couple and family counselor Daniella Bloom.
It is said that this will change one’s mind from fighting or running away to smoothly resolve the issue.
Then they change their senses into something completely different from the situation where anger is.
If you were indoors, you’d go outside, breathe in fresh air, stamp your feet to pull down aggressive anger energy,
They smell soothing aroma or listen to calm music.
4. Simulate your anger in your head before you speak.
“There’s a saying, ‘The buried feelings never go away.’ Anger is especially so.”
Life counseling coach Tee Kane recommends that you feel and express your feelings because suppressing them can be harmful.
However, it may not be productive to act accordingly as soon as you feel angry.
In that case, Kane uses his imagination.
Feel angry, then go into your mind and imagine what you would do to be angry.
For example, you can do a little simulation in your head before actually yelling at the person who made you angry.
Then, if you move it to reality, such words and actions are likely to be reduced than imagined.
5. Create space between emotion and reaction
If you react immediately when you are angry, you can overreact to the situation.
Daniel Swim, an expert on psychological counseling and eating disorders, said he created a space between emotions and reactions.
“Give myself space to deal with emotions.”
To calm down, Swim does activities such as walking, driving, and breathing a few times.
If you get an angry e-mail, Swim says she waits a day and then sends the answer.
Then there is room for thinking logically, not emotionally.
6. Ask yourself why you’re angry
Questioning yourself is a very good way to separate yourself from the temporary anger that can ignite momentarily.
Chris Shane, an expert on mental health and sexual minority counseling, said, “If it’s temporary, take a step back.
Just taking a deep breath makes your body and nerves stable,” he says.
If anger is deeper, there are various ways. Shane works out to clients.
Writing a diary and singing along with loud music are recommended, but in his case, writing a lot of body has always worked.
I like to dance. When dancing and my favorite music are combined, I can shake off my anger state.”
7. Manage stress frequently in advance
Psychologist Lekisha Alessil confronts hard feelings through breathing.
“When I’m speaking fast or tense, when I’m out of breath, when negative thoughts dominate, I take a deep breath and concentrate here.”
Also, to prevent anger from exploding due to stress, they often take breaks to manage stress.
8. Focus on something for a minute.
Counselor Cari & Greaves uses “one minute of mindfulness” methods such as a very short walk, drinking cold water, and eating mint candy.
“When you take care of your mind, you feel relaxed and change your mind. Then I leave the situation alone and do something else and come back later if necessary.”
9. Re-think of the hasty decision about the other person who made you angry.
Psychologist Crystal I. Lee says she reminds people of a tendency to hastily judge a situation in which they are angry or someone who has upset me.
“If someone cuts in, for example, while driving, I might think my opponent is selfish no-mannered with trash.
But you might think of another reason why the person had to cut in line.
If you think you’re in a hurry because you’re on your way to meet your hospitalized family, my anger goes away.”
10. Turn anger energy into productive behavior.
“I often get furious about politics. When that happens, I do my best to do positive things with that power.” Amy Bishop, a couple and family counselor.
On the day he saw the most upsetting news, Bishop would send donations to his own manuscripts or campaigns.
To call, e-mail, or visit the office of a local assemblyman.
The process consumes energy that follows anger.
11. I ask you three questions.
Psychologist Larry Stiebel imagines what to say at this moment and then digs deep into it. He asks himself three questions.
Do I have to do this word/act?
Should I say this word/act?
Should I say this word/act now?
There are times when anger did not go away even to the last third question.
But at least the thought of acting out of anger diminishes.
For a happy life, there must be a time difference between ‘stimulation’ and ‘response’.
12. Words can’t be reversed, so let’s put them in writing first.
Since what you said out of anger cannot be reversed, let’s write down your thoughts first.
This is how conflict management expert Adrian Alexander writes.
There are a lot of text messages, comments, and SNS posts that I deleted after writing them once.
This is because it is much easier to write and erase than to say things out of anger or to try to recover from misunderstandings.
1. Stop everything for a moment and catch your breath